LOVE-HOPE-FAITH-JOY

When I heard the words “non-viable pregnancy”.  I felt terrified, and I felt as if my dreams and hopes for a future were stolen from me. Now my dreams of having a big family were taking away. 

Angela was 7 days old. 

I felt destroyed and heartbroken.  

The baby I dreamed about was gone. The dreams of having two daughters close to age being best friends were gone. 

 I felt cheated; all my dreams were taken away from me and were replaced by a "broken child". 


I had all the words those doctors constantly repeated, “severely disabled”, and  “incompatible with life”.  For some of them the best option was to let her die,  at 16 weeks into my pregnancy the day she was diagnosed with anencephaly. 

Why prolong the inevitable” these words echo in my ears. 

‘She may never walk, or talk or hear. She may never see or enjoy her surrenders". The doctors prepared us for the worse. 

I wished  that they would have been told us the beauty of these children. The beauty that it is inside of them. 

Santa Monica Beach,  CA 2015

God came and talked to my soul. He told me that He has chosen us for this sacred mission.  He promised me to guide my steps. He told me that He is my Lord that I can trust.  God showed me that I was the broken one and that I needed Angela in my life to renew my broken heart. 

Now I feel blessed that ANgela is my daugther. I feel blessed that ANgela came to our lives. She came to renew our souls, and now we can see the beauty of life, we learning that we all are perfectly imperfect. That a disability does not define who we are. We are precious jewels, because God made us perfect, for a purpose to fullfill. 

After the diagnosis I was sobbing uncontrollably that my baby was “broken.”

Now I almost can’t remember how “bad” I felt because she has placed so much JOY in our  lives.  

 I know there will be trials and tribulations to come but every day is a new day with her, and I am blessed beyonds words to be able to call her mine.  I am in a place of such utter love and breathtaking happiness that my daugther Angela  is "mine" that I can’t even begin to describe it.

Daddy holding Angela 

And all I can say now, is that I promise you, you will find peace, joy and love. You will find more than peace. You will find more than joy. You will find unconditional love. You are extremely  blessed. And it’s so hard to see it right now.

Don’t try to rush to this place of peace. To find this kind of peace, you need to embrace pain and suffering.  The only way out of grief is through it. You have to feel it. You have to cry. You have to feel the great grief and sorrow.  You can be mad and you can scream if you want. 

 But do all this with a hopeful heart. The love for your child just comes, whether you want it to or not.

Angela is delightful and beautiful and has changed everyone in our family for the better. Sure some things have been a challenge but she has enriched our lives more than we could ever have imagine.

6 months old. 

As time goes on, it gets easier and easier. There are still days that we struggle with the diagnosis and wonder what it would be like if she did not have these 3 birth defects. 

But there is never a day we regret having her and giving her the most wonderful life we can. 

After receiving this terrible diagnosis all you need is to accept that life is not perfect. Life is not fair. You need to understand that life is hard and beautiful despite all sufferings. And if  you accept this life as it comes,

 then, get ready for the biggest, most thrilling roller coaster of your life!

Is it a scary road? Yes. Of course. 

 Is it a road that gets less bumpy and windy as you go along? Yes. It is a road that I wouldn’t trade for the world and there is so much good to come. Angela is the light of ours and so many other people’s lives. 

She is the light and love of my life, my husband Rony and her sister Elizabeth, and she gives us so much to look forward to. We have had our share of ups and downs, but she fills our lives with immeasurable love, happiness and meaning.

Are there still challenges? Yes, everyday! But I find them less with dealing with her than dealing with people who don’t see what we see or don’t know to look for it. I have to be a tireless advocate for her with her doctors and people who see children with disabilities differently.

Angela is the sweetest, calmest baby ever. Her eyes could bore into yours in such an easy way.  I have watched her determination and it is just awe-inspiring to me. She is so strong and keeps figthing for her precious life. 

4 months old. 

She is our kind of perfect. I look back to the day when I swore I was not getting out of bed ever again, and I cannot believe how far we all have come. Soon, we will be celebrating her SECOND BIRTHDAY!! Every day is a miracle with her. 

LIFE itself is a miracle!

What I was fearing was not the journey that was to come, but rather the fear of the unknown journey ahead. 

I want to tell you- this journey is nothing to fear, but to embrace. Embrace life and embrace pure love. 

All is worth it. Your precious child in the womb is worth. You dont know how blessed you are until you are blessed with a special needs child. 

You are not alone. Don't be afraid to embrace pain and sufferings.  There is something greater than that, it is called LOVE.  Love is greater!  And love always wins!


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Our Baby Angela and Our Journey With Anencephaly

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