I Choose to Forgive You

 I understand that people are entitled to their opinions, but this is not about freedom of speech. It is about respect. It is about love for other human beings different from you. 

My baby girl, Angela was born with several brain abnormalities, including encephalocele, when a baby’s skull does not close completely and brain material protrudes; anencephaly, when the brain is completely or partially missing; and microcephaly, when an infant’s skull is abnormally small because of incomplete brain development.

 But her diagnoses are NOT what define who she is. She is a human being and deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.

I am sorry that some people CANNOT see her beauty. I am sorry that YOU cannot see what a beautiful and special little girl she is, who has made and continues to make a great difference around the world.

I feel pity for you because of your lack of love and compassion. Thank God that my little Angela will never be in contact with cruel, vile and heartless people out there. She will never know about hate. She will only know pure unconditional love.

Every moment of every life is a gift; whether it is filled with joy and elation, or sorrow and suffering. No matter how sick, no matter how short, EVERY life deserves a chance. That is true of any able bodied child, or any handicapped child. The best we can do as parents is to love and nurture each unique person entrusted  to our care…. respecting ALL life.

Every one of you who has someone you truly love with a whole heart, would you love them any less just because something went wrong?

For the last 2 years I have read very nasty evil comments. All hurt me. I cried many times because I couldn't understand that a person can be that cruel, selfish and vile. But I understand that evil comes in many forms. We have a very real enemy who comes to steal, kill and destroy. An enemy who uses whatever way he can to get to our hearts and heads. 

Few days ago this woman who follows Angela's page wrote "Choose abortion over giving birth to a cadaver.  That's all you have a glorified dead child. Good luck and God Bless"

The devil hates families. He hates life, he hates anyone who opposes death. He hates us because we chose life over abortion. The devil is real and he will try to destroy you if you choose to love and to do good. But God is Greater than him.

 I have been attacked spiritually many times. Many times I felt weak, I felt destroyed, I felt defeated, but my strength was renew many times. The more I fall in my weakness, the more grace and strength God gives me. I wept many times reading terrible messages, all were directed to hurt; "this is the ugliest baby I have ever seem" another person said. 

You don't know how deeply you hurt me. Another comment made was; "calling my baby Angela nonhuman, deformed, monster and retarded". You made me tear up when you called my baby; "vegetable baby, ugly evil. "I would have killed this brainless abomination" another said. These words tore my heart in pieces because this is my baby you are talking about.

 I hated you for a moment, but them I realized that this is NOT what Jesus wants from me. Jesus wants me to forgive you, and I do. I choose to love my enemies. I choose to speak life. I choose to be light to the people around me. God chose me and my husband Rony to bring peace and joy. We will follow Him, Who is light and everlasting LOVE. 

I am sorry you have to live that life you are living, without a purpose, without love. I feel sorry for you because you have to live that miserable life full of hate and poison inside of you. I feel sad for you because you are missing the beauty of life, you are missing the beauty of these children. They might not be "normal and healthy" but they have a fulfilled and meaningful life, full of unconditional love. In your eyes my child is imperfect, but in the eyes of our Creator, she is the most precious jewel. 

Angela is happy and she can smile brilliantly full of joy. Angela's smile is so beautiful but it's so sad that her bright smile could not penetrate the heart of these sad distorted people. She shows the profound love that surrounds her. The fact that you find my precious daughter ugly doesn't give you the right to reach out and call her names. 

Please don't use internet to bully special needs children and their parents. 

I wish that you could find love, I wish you could find your soul, and be the kind of person the world needs, to make the world a better place to live. 

I hope and pray that Angela could teach you some love and compassion.

 I hope you can learn to treat others with disability with dignity and respect. 

Angela and all unborn disabled children reserve to be treated with dignity and respect. 

We all reserve that, even you. 

I choose to forgive all of you who have made hurtful comments, and pray that you can find peace and joy. 

You need God to heal your hearts. I promise there is healing for the brokenhearted. 

I forgive you because this is what Jesus is asking me to do.

Follow Angela in FB Our Baby Angela and Our Journey With Anencephaly


 RECENT POSTS:

I'm Here to Care of You 

"Incompatible with LIFE, Compatible with LOVE"

I'm Here To Take Care Of You

Angela(10 days old)

"I'm Here To Take Care of You."

When the doctor diagnosed Angela with anencephaly at 16 weeks into my pregnancy. I felt that all my dreams were destroyed, the baby I was hoping for now had a death sentence. My job as a mother was to protect her from any harm, and I promised that while she is inside and out of my womb I would fight for her because she never gave up on me. I was her carrier, her protector, and my only job was to love her to the fullest while her heart beats here.

We didn't expect her to live this long, she is 22 months old full of life. I believed that she was fatal. she is still consider terminal for  doctors. I believed all what the doctors said, I was very realistic of her condition but always with faith that God will be done. We prepared for her funeral, we prepared for her organs donation. She was going to donate her heart valves to save other two babies. We were prepared for the worse the death of our daughter.

Our journey with Angela has been the hardest, the most heartbreaking, the most painful experience in our lives. Our lives changed completely and all that people call different become our normal. Every day our lives are challenged, a special needs parent has to become the father and the mother the child needs. My husband and I made the commitment even before she was born, we promised to sacrifice for her until she takes her last breath.

God has been our strength all this journey, He gave us His grace to carry on, life can be very hard sometimes. Prayer has been the most vital part of this journey. We have felt God's grace every single day. We are thankful that God chose our home to foster, to care for and to love this special child.

In this 22 months after her birth, we have seem her strength, her determination, her love for us. She is full of grace.

She is a fighter. She is fighting against all odds, challenging science. God has given men the intelligence to study the body. The brain is a mystery, it is so incredible to see how the brain can adjust when other parts are missing, and I think God is using Angela to get at least an advance in medicine. We don't know what God wants to show or teach the medical field. Her story is just unfolding. And we see the Lord in all this.

This journey has been a journey of sufferings, pain and many tears. But also many tears of pure joy. But the most amazing thing happened along this bittersweet journey is that God continues to show His grace, His mercy, His Love. God's grace is what has give us the perspective and faith to trust Him, even when we don't understand His plan.

The more I prayed God to heal her body, the more He used her life to heal my weakness. I am not strong enough and this is more that I can handle.

Big sister Elizabeth always makes her laugh

The more we tried to teach her about God, the more she teaches us about Him and His greatness and everlasting love. I dont know how to describe this but I really see Jesus in her.

I never understood what unconditional love until God used her life to demonstrate it to me. Despite all the challenges , we are happy, our lives are full. We are making sure that her days here in earth are lived to the fullest. We making sure people treat her with dignity and respect.

Angela (7months) at the beach 

I make sure everyday to show her how much I love her, how much she means to me, I tell her everyday that I love her the way she is. I miss her  every chance I get. She is the love of our life. When I come back home from work and she hears my voice, her eyes shine of joy. And I know that if she could, she would run with open arms to hug me. She means the world to us.

Everyday we praised the Lord for allowing us to take care for  her another day, I thank God for allowing me to be her mother. The future is not promised, only God knows the end of our life, but I have promised Angela that all those years I live I will live them to take care for her.

I tell her close to her ear all the time,  I'll be here to take care of you baby Angela.

Angela 22 months old!!!

And I am keeping the promise.

Love you all, thank you for the support and love to our family.

Thank you for been part of this extraordinary journey.

 

Follow Angela in FB Our Baby Angela and Our Journey With Anencephaly

Support group: 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS HEARTBREAKING JOURNEY!

ANENECEPHALY SUPPORT PAGE:

Anencephaly.info

Christmas Gifts 2015

We just celebrated Christmas, the most beautiful time of the year. Not only because we celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. But also because it was ANgela's second Christmas and also her 21 months birthday.

October 22, 2013 when I was 16 weeks pregnant, I heard the words that no parent want to hear, ¨your baby has anencephaly, a condition NOT sustainable for life following delivery". Your baby is " incompatible with life" "non viable pregnancy". And they urged abortion as abortion was the cure.

Today, December 26 2015, the "non viable", the "incompatible with life" baby just celebrated 21 months old and celebrated her second Christmas with her family and friend who love her unconditionally.

My husband and I were terrified. We were given NO hope. We were told we would not bring our baby girl home. We were offered immediately the opportunity to abort our "imperfect" baby. We were offered amniocentesis. We were offered many things. The one thing we were not offered was hope. And hope was the one thing we desperately need.

My heart revive all the same feelings all over and over again when another mother and father face this terrible diagnosis. For the last two years I have walked all over again together with other parents facing the same fate. I have witnessed the love these parents have for their babies. Some of these babies have lived from minutes to hours, from hours to days from days to months. I have learned about the true meaning of love and faith.

After reciving Angela's diagnosis of anencephaly, in the midst of my darkness, I went to the internet in all my fear, looking for some sort of guidance, for some sort of hope. Searching everywhere, ( PLEASE DONT GOOGLE ANENCEPHALY) I saw and read all the ugly horrific names people call our babies. It was unnaceptable. I was devastated. I saw the pain. I saw the suffering that was ahead from us. I saw the immense sorrow and grief we were accepting to go throught out of love for our  baby girl. I continued reading stories that gave me hope. I found baby Faith, she lived 93 days, Baby Victoria from Brazil who lived over two years with acrania/anencephaly. And many other stories whose babies lived minutes. This is when I first felt a flicker of hope. I felt that my baby was going to live the minutes, or hours or the days that God had for her. I knew her life was worth to experience love for as short her life would be.

I found stories of others who had traveled this road before and survived. I found families who had lost their anencephalic baby. I found other families who had a child living and thriving with anencephaly. All these gave me hope. I asked for a miracle, and the miracle was, to see my baby alive at birth. This all what I asked for. And from all the stories I read in the internet, I found one thing they all had in common- whether their child was living or not - they all felt blessed for the experience of carrying to term.

March 23, 2014 baby Angela was born and she did not die. We took her home with hospice care, one doctor said that "no sophisticated interventions were needed" because she was not going to live, only mensure comfort. We were taking care of her with so much love as we were taking care of Jesus wounds. Baby Angela was thriving, once again the doctors told us that all what she was doing was done by reflexes. My mother's instint, told me that there was more that needed to be done.

April 2014, a month after her birth we found new neorologists and plastic surgeons, that believed in her will to live and wanted to give her another chance, She got a surgery to close the skull and to remove her encephalocele covering the opening almost at two months of life. Since her birth we have witnessed so many miracles, she has been touched by the grace of God.

Angela is 21 months old, she has a severe developmental delay. She does not walk or talk. But she chirps like a little bird to let us know she is loved. she responds to our love and affection by cooing. She let us know she is happy by kicking her legs. She loves worship music, when she listens to music sometimes she lifts her hands, and coos and tears comes from her eyes. Yes, she might not have a abled body like any healthy person but she is praising the Lord in spirit. Angela's cooing and sounds changes according to her mood.

She loves kisses and hugs. She loves storytelling and play time with her big amazing sister Elizabeth. She  loves musical toys. Sometimes she giggles and laughs out loud, and we love love to see that. She enjoys  and loves the life she has. We love her unconditionally and we are going to support her until she takes her last breath. We are making sure she knows only love, we are making sure her days are lived to the fullest. 

Life is a gift. She is the greatest teacher for life. The biggest thing she has taught us is to appreciate the little simple things that we thought were not important in our lives. She taught us to just value every single day that we get as it comes. This little beautiful girl has given us more than she takes. She is the light in our home, she is the strength we need, she gives us a deep peace and grace. she really has taught us to give everything without waiting for a reward. she taught us we can choose to live happy in espite of unimaginable odds.

Today, I want to tell to all the parents receiving a poor prenatal diagnosis, NEVER give up. No matter what happens, your baby is worth and will bring so much joy and peace to your heart. Dont reject the beacon of pure joy and light. Termination of pregnancy is NOT a solution to your baby's deformities. A diagnosis should not be a death sentence for your precious baby. I am not going to lie, this is not an easy road but is the only one worth taking. Just take each day as it comes, enjoy the beauty of love, enjoy your baby while you have him/her inside your womb.

Just focus on the life that the baby has and celebrate all the time you get. Make memories every single day. Celebrate every minute because you dont know many days you going to get.

Miracles do happen everyday, but whatever happens God is going to give you the grace and the strenght you need to face everything ahead.

Yes, our stories might be different, but I understand the heartache of getting a fatal diagnosis, I carried my baby girl Angela knowing that she was not expecting to live after birth and the pain is great. Know you are NOT alone, there is always someone out there walking the same road or have walked the same journey. I want to remind you, that you are  not alone.  

Follow Angela in FB Our Baby Angela and Our Journey With Anencephaly

Support group: 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS HEARTBREAKING JOURNEY!

ANENECEPHALY SUPPORT PAGE:

Anencephaly.info

‘Incompatible with Life" Is NOT A Diagnosis, It’s A Death Sentence.

‘Incompatible with Life Is NOT A Diagnosis, It’s A Death Sentence for the unborn disabled child..  When Angela was diagnosed with anencephaly at 16 weeks into my pregnancy, doctor told me “your baby is incompatible with life after delivery."  I was in shock I couldn’t move, I had no words and with a lump in my throat I asked: "How long do you think?" They told me from minutes to hours after birth.  Angela got her death sentence at that moment. I started grieving my baby; I couldn’t understand what “incompatible with life” means at that moment of her diagnosis. 


I was feeling her moving and kicking I knew she was alive to me. They said that those were only muscle reflex, and that she was only alive because she was attached to me but as soon as I delivered her, she would die.   At that moment I knew that “incompatible with life” meant no hope, no baby, no interventions, no care or treatment.  She got her death sentence. 

Can you imagine what we parents have fell when the medical field say that our babies are not compatible with life? This is an excruciating pain that cannot be removed with any medicine, because this pain is within the depths of your heart and soul. Our precious baby that we prayed for now has a date, a date for its death.

 

Sometimes I am very disappointed with doctors because as soon as they know our babies have a life-limited condition they encouraged mothers to terminate. We parents look to healthcare professionals, as the people with all the information and knowledge, but with my experience with Angela ALL they know about anencephaly is what is in the books.  My baby girl is labeled but the label is not who she is, she is my daughter, a friend, a sister, she is a human being. She is compatible with life and compatible with love. Abortion is incompatible with life. Our babies deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.

Anencephaly, for example, is a condition in which the majority of a child’s brain is absent, and death usually occurs within hours of birth.  However, there are case reports of anencephalic infants with a healthy brain stem surviving for much longer. There are many forms of anencephaly, some are more severe than others, and Angela proves it.

 

 She was not open from the eyebrow to the back as doctors told me many times. When babies have a label of  “incompatible with life” doctors hesitate to do much more to help them. This is what happened with my daughter, they stated that she was not going to live, that’s why when she was born, “no sophisticated intervention was needed”, “why prolong the inevitable?” one doctor said.

 Everything I asked for her, they said she didn’t needed. Why? That is because they were expecting her to die any minute. “No sophisticated intervention is appropriate for anencephalic babies” one doctor said. They gave me my baby to snuggle and to make her comfortable to her death. They made me feel I was a bad mother, they saw me with pity, and some made me feel uncomfortable. All I wanted and did was to love my child, I didn’t see anencephaly I saw my beautiful daughter, so perfectly made by God.  

They covered her head, she was kept skin to skin most of the time, I had many visitors in my room, she was and IS very loved by family, friends and strangers and even those who questioned us “why are you carrying a dying baby” and told us that it was “better to end her life early and try again” thank us now that we didn’t choose to end the life of our daughter.  She was not a toy or garbage, her life was and is valuable.

Even before my baby was born, she received a diagnosis — one that deemed her “incompatible with life.” In the eyes of the medical world, Angela was “incompatible with life.” We didn’t care what the culture of death told us, we embraced life, she was very alive inside me and it was not up to us or doctors to end her precious life. It was in God's hands! We chose to make the most of our pregnancy, we knew we only had 5 more months to enjoy her, and as her parents we chose to live them to the fullest, because there was life, and if there was life there was also hope.

We did not know what would happen after she was born, but we knew she was more than the diagnosis; her diagnosis didn’t define her as human being.  Her diagnosis is not her identity. She has proven she is compatible — compatible with learning, growing and developing in her own pace. She is capable to feel the love we give her, and that’s all she needs. She is compatible. Even when her diagnosis predicts that she will be incompatible, she has proven the definitions wrong.

It’s true that sometimes a condition is limiting, and a person’s life may not be the same as someone else’s life, but it doesn’t mean they are incompatible. Her life is not less worth because she is disabled or dependent to us?.  She was indeed “incompatible with life” but yet she is not only living by thriving 17 MONTH after.

 

Angela is 17 MONTHS and TWO WEEKS OLD NOW!!!!!

 

We are very thankful to God for this precious gift, she is a gift not a burden, every child is a gift from the Lord and every gift from the Lord received with thankfulness does not come to hinder life but to enrich it.  LIFE and LOVE are the most precious gift. Angela is teaching us to love unconditionally, our love for her has no limits, we love her so much, she is teaching us to sacrifice for love, to give yourself to take care of  a loved one, loving them and taking care of them until their natural and dignified  death. If the unborn child has a life-limiting condition what corresponds as a society is to support the parents and give the baby the same treatment we give to the elderly, the sick or anyone with a terminal illness.

Angela has brought so much joy to our family. It’s like having a baby that never grows up so while other people have their children and experience that “baby stage” for a short while we have it all the time. The joy we feel when she coos and smiles and response with noises when we call her name,  when she lifts her hands or kicks her legs, these are huge milestone for her. She proves to us the value of patience and perseverance and has indeed taught us how to love. She taught us to love in moment of suffering, peace and joy in moments of struggles. She taught us to not take life for granted.

Caring for a severely disabled member of the family is, living life on a different level. But it is a level that we as a society must be prepared to support and facilitate so that the people involved can achieve their full potential – regardless of how far that potential can reach. We all learn differently!

There will always be the cases where severely disabled babies won’t survive. What should our response be then? Is it better to allow abortions if the medical experts agree that there is nothing anyone can do?

Or is better to let them live just even for a short time, and give them the loved, the cared, the dignity and respect they deserve as a human being. The sick, the defenceless, the voiceless, the unborn need our help, our voice, our protection. The unborn children are valuable, loved, we all have the right to LIFE and we should denied it to unborn disabled child. 

Angela has lived longer than expected, we are very thankful for that, God is laughing in the face of medicine, Angela proves that these babies can live if they are given a chance of life. I encourage you all to defend life, life is hope, life is love. Miracles do happen everyday but remember that whatever happens God will give you the grace, the strength to face everything ahead.

Don't give up your baby, even if you get a minute, an hour, day, or you dont know how long, is worth living. Is worth to feel unconditional love. You won't  regret  giving a chance of life to your precious child, your child is not a choice, a diagnosis does not define who she/he is, it's your BABY. 

No one knows how long Angela's life will last, but that time she  will be immensely loved and happy. Is not that what we all seek?

YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS HEARTBREAKING JOURNEY!

ANENECEPHALY SUPPORT PAGE:

Anencephaly.info

Follow Angela in FB Our Baby Angela and Our Journey With Anencephaly

16 Months of Blessings

Have I ever tell you how great our God is? 

 We are so thankful and so blessed to have this little fighter in our lives. It has been 16 months since Angela was born. We are also forever grateful with God that we have been able to spend the last SIXTEEN MONTHS with our girl. We are incredibly blessed! 

When we got her diagnosis, we both were heartbroken. it is a excruciating pain knowing that your child has already a death sentence. I spent the first weeks after the diagnosis crying, there was nothing that will comfort me or my husband Rony. We could not understand what was happening to us. Why us? Why our child? Now I understand why. God allows trials in our life to help us grow in virtues. 

I never thought going through such a heartbreaking situation would show us just how blessed we are. We have grown in so many ways. We have learned so much about patience obedience, trust, love, hope, and faith. We are more compassionate  because of Angela. These moments of pain and sufferings are the ones that make us think of how precious life is. 



Angela is 16 MONTHS old. My eyes have witnessed MANY miracles. ANgela is defying all the odds, her precious life is incredible miracle.  Choosing life for her changed my world forever. We have seen the wonders of God in every moment of her life here on earth. I had little faith; I did not believe that God could do a miracle in my life because I did not feel worthy of His grace. I am a sinner, and did not believe that God would heal her, did not believe in miracles. But in my pain and suffering I accepted His will. I was okay with her death. But God has seen my misery, my humiliation, He saw me with mercy. He took my suffering and turned it into joy. A kind of joy that gives peace to your heart.

Daddy kissing precious Angela 

God's plan is perfect, there are times in our life we want to do what we feel like, sometimes we think that everything that we ask God has to be given to us, and this is not always the norm.We just need to accept God's will as Jesus did. In moments of pain, tears and suffering is when we must be more united to Jesus cross, the pain becomes lighter at the feet of Jesus. God sees us and blesses our obedience. 

If I had chosen to abort my baby Angela, I would have chosen death. There is no hope with death; death is the end of our life here in earth. But for us catholic Christian death is not the end but the beginning with Jesus Christ. My husband Rony and I chose life for Angela because the God we serve is a God of life. We are the pro-life generation, changing this culture of death to a culture of life. 

LIFE IS THE MOST PRECIOUS GIFT!!! 

EVERY life has a meaning. There is always a reason, a purpose to our existence. Angela has her unique story, she was created in God's image for a purpose to fullfill in this valley of tears. God created us with a tremendous purpose. Understanding His design for life will lift us out of the emptiness around us and will give us an incredibly rich meaning and worth!

EVERY disabled unborn child deserve a chance!!!




I believe in miracles and that God has a plan for all of us. He doesn't promise how many days we get on Earth, he only promises everlasting life if we choose to believe and I do. 

This is a drawing made by Chleo James from Where Hope Blooms

ABORTION SOLVES NOTHING. My heart breaks for all women who chose to end pregnancy early. I dont understand why you chose that but remember that God is merciful and there is NO sin so great that God will not forgive. I am here for you also if I can help you find healing. God's grace is for everyone even for those who have aborted their children. There is healing for the brokenhearted. You are NOT alone. 

I LOVE life. My passion is to talk about life. Abortion is NEVER best for women. If I continue sharing Angela's story it is to glorify God and prevent other parents are destroyed by the evil of abortion. 

 YOU CAN TREASURE EVERY SINGLE MINUTE YOU GET WITH THE BABY. 

If I had chosen to abort my baby, I would have chosen death. Death is never best. There is no hope with death. Life is full of possibilities. Life offers hope and fosters love. 

This is in NOT going to be easy. But i promise you that your life will never be the same. This is a very PAINFUL journey but very WORTH. The journey will be long and sometimes very difficult, but if you walked with love, it will be a journey of HOPE and yes, JOY. 

This is how Angela eat the first days of her life. 

I can only hope and pray that each of you who are reading this blog, find something meaningful out of it. I hope and pray that you realize that our God is greater than anything you are going through. He deserves all the glory and praise through every circumstance. He is ALWAYS faithful. He is ALWAYS good!!

HAPPY 16 MONTHS OF LIFE
ANGELA!!!!!

Follow her in FB Our Baby Angela and Our Journey With Anencephaly